Empty

The problem is, I want something I'm not getting. I want spirituality; I want to be able to say things like "Note to self: do not leave body parts on the astral plane" without feeling silly about it; I want a feeling of connection, which is after all the essential meaning of the religion--that's the same lig- as in "ligament" or "ligature".

I need an altar, so I can have a place where my tools can go that I don't have to worry about Freya deciding she needs to find out what's up there right now pls kthxbai. I need a robe, because one of the ways to let your unconscious know that you're about to do something special is to dress in a special way. I need candles and smudge sticks. I need to know they're out there, the Lady and the Lord, waiting to come to me in the way in which I call upon Them--because a nurturing mother is a great thing, but sometimes you need Her to kick ass and then it's probably better to invoke Athena than Hera; Nepthys is a lovely lady but Sekhmet will take care of some sorts of business much faster.

I need Them to be there and right now They're not, and if I fake it long enough maybe They will be. It's the best I've got at the moment.